my life in pencil

I have been sleeping terribly lately.

And by lately I mean the last 22 years, I never have been good at falling asleep. I remember tossing and turning for hours in elementary school, when my bedtime was 9pm. King of the Hill was on at 9pm, damnit.

I suppose one good thing about being a late night tosser, is that (oh shit I just realized that ‘late night tosser’ sounds like something Jude Law would say in regards to sex, not what I meant) I think about a lot of things.

Currently thinking:

Seared scallops wrapped in strips of sauteed leek. I make scallops in an endive cream sauce, but I think leeks would at a little more shaprness. The trick would be cooking the leeks so they are flexible enough to wrap around the scallop, but not so stringy that you need a knife to cut through it + the scallop.

The whole Haiti thing really has me sick. Naturally, it would have anyone sick, but I don’t like the way I feel for different reasons. Prediction: This week I will look at the photo’s, read stories, cry, read more stories, feel terrible, get pissed of at the UN evacuating doctors, look at some more photo’s, and get teary eyed again.

Prediction: 6 weeks from now I will have mostly forgotten and not even consider doing a thing about the whatsgoingons in Haiti, except for when it happens to be on the third page of CNN and I remember for a few minutes. Kinda how I feel about the Iran elections right now.

That isn’t very cool. It is my cynicism that I don’t much like. In 6 weeks Haitians will be in just as much trouble as they are now, I just hope most of the world will care more than I likely will.

Seasonal depression isn’t cool, thats for sure. I don’t mind this winter near as much as last, but I still feel trapped. A large part of it is not having a car, but when it is super cold, leaving the house is the biggest hassle in the world. Seriously, do you know how long it takes to put on long underwear, two pair of wool socks, jeans, layer, layer, layer, sweater, thicker sweater, coat, hat, hood, gloves, second gloves, and a facemask? All while making sure there are no gaps for air to touch my skin? It takes me longer to get dressed than to get where I am going half the time.

Conan O’brien has been eff you sea kay eye en jee hilarious lately. Poor guy.

It is almost 4 now, the last 20 minutes I have been thinking about several things I would really like to write about right now, but some are a bit personal and may portray me as something less than a fucking hero who has everything together. not going to let that happen, so peace.

(among other things in list format)

• Strongly considering moving to NYC at the end of the next summer
• I am leading a small group discussion on Art and Christianity tonight at my place, looking forward to it
• Coffee is one of the greatest things that has happened to me. It is really something I work hard at and take professionally.
• The above statement will not make sense to nearly anyone who reads my blog
• “Apathy was the chief mark of the late (Roman) Empire. One of the ways the apathy showed itself was in the lack of creativity in the arts.” Interesting point when put in contrast with shitty Christian art today, is some of it due to apathy?
• I am trying soooooo hard to get a job at this new coffee shop opening up in South Minneapolis, the hour and fifteen minute commute to work is starting to kill me. The hour and forty five minute commute home finishes what is left of me off.
• I have dreamed of living in NYC my whole life. Biggest concerns of moving: Money and finding (wholesome) community. I have a job on lock.
• If Christianity weren’t big enough for me to love coffee, I would leave. I would leave Christianity, not coffee.
• Not to say I love coffee more, the reason I love Christianity more is because it IS big enough for coffee.
• Also getting really interested in specialty cocktails. So tasty, so dangerous when consumed in great quantities.
• Slightly concerned about the Blazers. We can’t seem to beat the teams we will be facing in the playoffs, even when we are in position to do so. Still a long season ahead, not too worried.
• Guy on the radio just said: “highs in the 40’s, tonights low, 23.” I’m ready.

Thats all for today. Be safe, be smart.

I have an issue with words.

Issue isn’t a very good word. Maybe a better way:

I have a sinking spiral of questions about words. Not their definitions, etymology, pronunciation, or even spelling. Their meaning however, gets me.

Allow me to be very very post-enlightenment here.

Words report information. Truth generally. Whether this is fictitious truth or not is beside the point, nonetheless words in their rawest sense, are meant to carry truth with them.

As long as our definition of truth is big enough to include several types of truth, we should have no problem with this.

But like I said a moment ago, it is the words I have problems with, not the truths.

Numbers are static, 3 always means 3, always will mean 3 and can’t mean something other than 3 until other numbers interact with it. Newtons first law.

Words however, are not static. Words only have one reference point, and that is other words.

Words are more like a sea of waves bouncing off of each other, and creating an ever changing ocean.

Whereas a numbers reference point is intrinsic, a words meaning comes elsewhere.

It may seem that this is where I have gone too far left and fallen off the deep end. Not so fast, if I may say.

This very fact, that words are always a little ambiguous, is exactly what I think makes them more profound, and even true, than other things.  In the words of Chesterton:

“Poetry is sane because it floats easily in an infinite sea; reason seeks to cross the infinite sea, and so make it finite.”

Classic aporia.

Stage 4

Stage 3

Here is my explanation of stages 1 and 2, brief, and probably missing some points.

Stick around for stages 3 and 4 in separate posts this week.

‘ >Stage 1 and 2

So did anyone hear what John Piper had to say about the Tornado hitting Minneapolis the other day?

Since you probably won’t read the whole thing, let my summarize:

The ELCA (Evangelical Lutheran Church of America) had a meeting on Tuesday in Minneapolis regarding homosexuality within the Church, where they voted on whether or not it (homosexuality in proper terms) is acceptable to God.

At roughly the same time on Tuesday, a rare tornado struck downtown Minneapolis. South Minneapolis at first, damaging buildings and houses, and eventually hitting the very building the ELCA conference was taking place.

John Piper, everyone’s favorite ultra-Calvinist pastor thinks the tornado was God’s wrath on the Lutherans (briefly put) for making acceptable in their Church, what is unacceptable to God. Essentially Piper thinks Lutherans are encouraging sin and God showed up to take off a few shingles and cut some power lines.

So fast forward to me and my friends who like to talk about Church drama…

Most, and by most I mean all, of my friends (note that I haven’t talked to any friends from Mars Hill, where Piper is pretty much the Godfather) think Piper is off his rocking chair. I sorta agree.

But I stress that sorta.

First, it is EXTREMELY easy to take any unnatural (by unnatural I mean not occurring daily) force and staple it to your cause.

I mean, I could say that the reason the Blazers won 54 games last year was because of successful Church plants in Portland, and the reason the Lions went 0-16 last year was because of the high gang rates.

There, I just showed some unnatural forces and stapled them seamlessly to spiritual causes.

Saying that a tornado was in Minneapolis just for the sake of disrupting (which it didn’t even disrupt) some Lutherans votes seems a bit superstitious to me. I mean, the tornado hit other things too, like the Electric Fetus, which sells records from people who sing about drugs and sex. Should I assume that the tornado was God’s wrath on that music?

But here is the thing.

I believe in a God that actually interacts with this world. I don’t think the Christian God is always distant, far away, and removed from this world.

I think God’s wrath is a real thing, and God does have the power to send tornadoes towards Lutherans and music stores if He wants to.  Not to say anything is wrong with Lutherans and music stores, but that God does have that power.

Maybe this is a lesson I am learning from my new charismatic friends (who actually think Piper is a nut), but I want to hesitate anytime I hear someone mocking something that really could be the Spirit of God, before I judge and join in the mocking.

The last thing I want to do is blaspheme the Spirit, that is, to call something that is the Spirit, blasphemy.

I guess I am just sticking to my old tricks. Slow to pick sides, but quick to critique those that are fast to pick sides.

Well, nobody out here thinks Minnesota is the other side of the country, but out west, the Midwest is anything but west.

Nonetheless, here I am, somewhere east of ‘out west’ and west of whatever is further east.

About a week ago my good friend from high school, whom I haven’t really kept in touch with since, asked me what my parents thought of me living on the other side of the country.

I thought about it for a second.

Maybe a minute, but I wanted to respond quick because we were on Facebook Chat and I didn’t want this girl thinking my green icon was going to soon turn into a lunar rejection.

What do my parents think of me living on the other side of the country?

Well, they were okay with it at first, matter of fact it was my mother who encouraged me to make the trip (that same mother who packed a few beers in the sack lunch she gave me for the train ride). I doubt either of them expected me to stay another year, but indeed I am.

I haven’t actually asked them what they think, but I have a few assumptions.

First, I am not a normal 21 year old, partially in that I am only 21 for a few more weeks, and also because I am not in University. I have traveled a lot, I often hang out with people older than me, I don’t like to look on the bottom shelf when making my wine selection, I make wine selections. Most of my peers aren’t this way. Not to say that I am clearly more mature and sophisticated, I doubt that, but I live a lifestyle more resembling that of a late twenty-something yuppie. I just shave less.

My parents recognize this. They recognize this and I think they prefer it. Both of my parents had to grow up pretty quickly, regarding their childhood. If you know me, and my story, you know I had to grow up pretty fast too.

The relationship I have with my parents is that of an adult child with his or her parents. They still help me, a ton actually. Financially sometimes, with recipes other times. But this is the thing, I help them sometimes also. I remember a conversation I was having with my mom a month or two ago, and we were talking about Portland restaurants. I remember making a few suggestions to her, and her accepting them.  I feel like we are in some ways on a more level playing field. I help them, they (more often still) help me.

It isn’t to say that I am much more mature, in far to many ways I am not. It is just to say that this relationship I have with my parents is so much better than it was a few years ago.

Often I wish I lived in Portland, just for the very fact that I would be able to do just hang out with my parents. Get a drink, go to dinner, whatever.

And I am thankful, indeed, for that.

I have a lot going through my mind these days. It is a good feeling, though overwhelming I do say.

• Got back from Cornerstone a few days ago. Great time, great music (Timbre, The Soil and the Sun, Quiet Science, Photoside Cafe, to name a few bands I discovered). Good to get away from the internet. Even though I was posting on twitter, I wasn’t checking it, and had my phone off most of the time.
• I learned a lot about Emergence Christianity, as one would put it. Not exclusively Emergence Christianity, but Emergence Theory in general. The idea that the world of emerging, and Christianity is only a small part of it. I am sure more posts are to come in the future on the subject.
• A few great discussions on GLBT issues. Still confused as hell.
• I picked up a book in Protestantism in America again (started reading it a few months ago, but stopped). I just read a bit about how Evangelicalism got to where it is today.
• Going to Milwaukee next week to see some Capernwray friends. Mostly excited.
• Praying a lot about doing this two year Vineyard Leadership Institute. I’m not sure if sticking myself in the middle of Vineyard schooling is a good option, when I have no real loyalty to the Vineyard itself.
• Lance is married.
• A pig just flew by my window.
• I’m not a big fan of Hedo anyways, he is probably reached the peak of his career, and we already have 18 wing players.
• Romans
• Job interview at Black Sheep Coffee this week.
• The relationship between ecological law and theological law is on my mind. I’ll explain later, maybe even today.

That is some of the stuff on my mind.

Get at me.

Anyone else have a problem with this label?

Maybe just my homosexual friends.

First, I have been having a hard time with the gay question lately. If we are being honest.

I, myself, michael, am not gay.

I have some good friends, people I deeply care about that are gay.

In the Evangelical community, a phrase we have come up with is “I love homosexual’s, but I disagree with the homosexual lifestyle.”

Lifestyle.

They wake up, make breakfast, check their mail, go to work, hang out with friends, recycle, occasionally pick their nose, and sleep with someone of the same sex.

For that we consider them as living a different lifestyle.

Is the ‘homosexual lifestyle’ really any different of a lifestyle as yours or mine?

I wake up, make breakfast, check my mail, go to work, hang out with friends, recycle, occasionally pick my nose, and will someday sleep with someone of the opposite sex. But apparently I live an alright lifestyle?

In keeping this short, because I have other things to do right now, like go feed Jessica’s cats, and pack for Cornerstone, I will summarize:

There is a lot of labeling in the gay community, coming from the non-gay community, especially the evangelical community. Most of this labeling isn’t meant to be harmful in any way. Most evangelicals I know would say that they love and care for gay people, and actually mean it.

But the way we use our language sometimes doesn’t really demonstrate this.

To my friends who are evangelicals that disagree with being gay: Let’s not simply call someone gay, or say that they have live a gay lifestyle, but recognize them as people, Children of God if we want to get all preachy here, who seek romantic intimacy from the same sex. Sin or not.

To my friends who are gay, or are Christians who support homosexuality: I’m sorry that I, at times, and many of my friends, or many Christians have fucked (no pun intended) you over. Understand that this isn’t an easy arithmetic problem for most, including myself.

To anyone and everyone: Let’s ALL, no matter religion, race, sexual preferance, etc. not tolerate violence, hate, abuse towards anybody. Period. Cool? If that isn’t cool, email me.